An Update on the Mountains

A while back I wrote a post about the mountains I was going to try to climb next (link here if anyone wants to give it a read). Not mountains as in Kilimanjaro and Mount Everest (even if that would be cool too), but mountains as in challenges to take on regarding a few issues of mine. It has gone about three months since I published that post and I thought it was time for a follow-up to see how far up I have come. So here it is: an update on the mountains.

Stop doubting myself

Short summary: I have not been able to stand for what I am good at and stop questioning whether or not I am good enough to be considered good.

During the month of January I started looking for a job. When sending in applications and going on interviews I was obviously forced to present my best qualities with confidence so that I would make a good impression and become a valid candidate. At first this made me nervous, but when I actually did it it was extremely empowering. Just hearing myself say “I am good at [insert talent here]” made me believe in myself. Then, when I got positive feedback, I became confident in a new way. Like, “yeah, I would be impressed too”; like it was natural to know that I was good at [insert talent here]. I am seeing the top of this mountain.

Stop being afraid of other’s thoughts

Short summary: I have been afraid of other people thinking that I think I am something special which has made me restrict myself when it comes to trying new things and believing I know/can do something.

When it comes to what I can and cannot do as well as what I think I know I have come far. I experiment a lot more with my looks and feel like my best self when I try something new that, at many times, stands out. Other than that I feel more confident in the classroom and will not bring myself down if I happen to answer something incorrectly or ask a seemingly stupid question. I do still think about what others think of me though, the difference now is that I am aware enough of the meaninglessness of those thoughts to remind myself that they do not matter.

Stop letting others determine my value

Short summary: I have been too insecure to trust my own reflection of me and have therefore let others determine my worth.

Whilst working on the mountains above this has kind of slipped my mind. I have grown a lot and become much more secure in myself, therefore I cannot imagine this being as big of an issue as it has been before. But, on the other hand, I have not had experiences recently that are alike the ones where this mountain has peaked and therefore I cannot consider it climbed. It will be interesting to see if I can avoid falling all the way down to the bottom when I once again find myself in a situation where this has been a problem before. I want to believe that I will not, but I will have to wait and see to be sure.

Stop starting and start continuing

Short summary: I am a little too good at starting new projects only to not give them another glance a month later.

As I wrote in the original post my first actual success with this is Originally My. I am still not quite there (the absence of posts since Tuesday being proof of that) but at least I have gotten back to doing what I do here every time I have stopped. Regarding this mountain I do not feel like I have found the actual problem yet. I still do not know why I have this habit which makes hard to get rid of. I have a long way to go, but at least I know where I am going.

Stay original, gorgeous! xoxo

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Lows & Highs: The Phases of Life

Creating content for Originally My is one of my favourite things to do. It allows me to express my creativity, improve my writing, explore my mind… It simply allows me to grow on so many levels. That is why I find it so important to not push myself to create content. If I do, this joy turns into an obligation. Rather than doing this because it is enjoyable and rewarding, I would be doing it because I felt like I had to. I have had enough experience with turning good things into bad things by feeling an obligation to do them instead of a lust to not make that mistake again. At least not with Originally My.

How come I am starting again at this time? What has changed? Like I wrote in my last post I started 2018 feeling a bit low, a feeling I have been carrying with me until recently. In a post from last fall I described what I, for the last month and a half, have been feeling but been unable to phrase in words. For that reason I will do no more and no less than to quote myself describing how I experience a tough phase, such as this last one, of mine:

Every tiny little task feels like a mountain rising up in front of me and the thought of climbing it becomes a mountain of it’s own. It’s a bad cycle that ends with me stressing out over the fact that I’m stressing out. The source can not be cut to solve the problem since the problem itself is the source of it.

It is at this moment that I just have to accept that this is how it’s going to be for a while ahead. Mental breakdowns are going to become a part of my everyday life, my bad mood is going to feel like my personality and I’m probably going to call in sick more now than ever. But it’s just a phase. I will handle it, I will move forward and eventuelly I will get out of it. Soon I will no longer be stuck in reverse.

Now, I am no longer stuck in reverse. I have enough energy to get through school, work, keep my room tidy and (hopefully) keep Originally My up and running. I am secure enough to value myself fairly, be confident and feel grateful for everything I have. I am motivated enough to set up goals, start new projects and plan ahead. Right now, life is pretty great. I have no idea how long I will feel this way, none at all, but it only makes me appreciate it more. What I do know though is that sooner or later I will once again feel like my life is stuck reverse. I will have many tough phases in my life just like I will have many phases when everything just, works. Perhaps these seemingly useless low points of life are only there to make the high points ten times more wonderful? I like to think so.

Then, I still have mountains to climb, things I am stressing out about and a whole lot of problems to deal with. The difference is that now I do not feel intimidated by the mountains but rather excited to take on the challenges. The stress does not stress me out more than it keeps me focused. The problems are not the problems, the sources of them are, which makes them solvable. My life is still a bumpy road, but now the car to take me over the hills is finally working again. The engine just had to cool off.

No matter what, I am glad to be here again. I have a lot of fun posts planned and cannot wait to share more content with you. But until I do so: stay original, gorgeous. xoxo

An Empty First Week of 2018

When I wrote my most recent post on New Years Eve, I was incredibly excited. I was proud of all of my accomplishments I had made in 2017 and was really looking forward to making new ones, especially in connection with Originally My. But as the new year began, something happened. Something within me changed. I lost all my motivation, energy and inspiration. I could not identify what was causing this, but it sure had great influence. So there I was, with eight free days ahead of me that I had planned to make productive but without enough energy to even get out of bed.

Today, seven days later, nothing has changed. I am unmotivated, exhausted and empty of any kind of inspiration. The majority of the hours between January first and today has been spent in front of the TV. At the start of the week I spent a lot of time with my mother, working on various projects around the house, but the times she has been out I have done nothing but stare at a screen.

I could have pushed myself to create some content to publish here, to practice my writing or meet someone for a coffee. That would not have been a problem. But would it really have changed anything? This is not a question of laziness. It is a question of willingness. At least I think it is. In any case I have let myself rest this week. I have let myself only do what I wanted to do, even if that meant doing absolutely nothing. Sometimes, I think we all need to let ourselves be unproductive. Do I wish I had done more this week? Maybe. But I am not sure. Perhaps this was exactly what I needed before going back to school on Tuesday. Lay back and recharge.

All of this brings me to the following sentence: I am not sure how often I will post on here during the coming period. I want all of my content to be well worked through, which it cannot be as long as I do not have the motivation to create anything at all. Hopefully I will reset in the near future, but until then I am going to have to focus on myself.

I know that this is only going to be read by a few. However, explaining myself is mostly for my benefit. That way I do not have to feel guilty about the lack of activity here. Thank you for understanding and know that I will be back. Until then: stay original, gorgeous. xoxo

My 2017 in Lists

Most Memorable Moments

1. Skiing in bikini

My most memorable moment of 2017 is without doubt when me and four of my best friends were in Branäs, a Swedish ski resort, over the easter break. We were in the sauna of our cabin and got a bit hot (obviously, considering we were in a sauna), so we went outside to get some fresh air. The ski slopes had closed and were obviously empty. Suddenly someone realises that we are standing outside in bikinis right next to our skiing equipment about a hundred meters from one of the slopes and breaks the genius idea of that we should go skiing in bikinis. How do you say no to that? You do not. So that was what we did: we went skiing in bikinis.

2. Vera trying to knock out a lamp with an inflatable mattress

My friend Vera is amazing in every way, but sometimes her actions can be rightfully questioned… One of those times was when we were on a class trip to Stockholm and were about to go to bed. All of the girls from our class were going to sleep in a classroom in a school up there and had laid out our inflatable mattresses on the floor. When we turn off the lights all lamps go out except for the one above mine, Vera’s and Andrea’s spots. After not finding any other switches in the room, I, a rationally thinking human being, goes to find a teacher who could help solve the problem. When I had done so, the teacher and I returned to the classroom only to find Vera standing with Andrea’s mattress in the air trying to hit the lamp hard enough for it to go out. She did not succeed with anything other than getting dust in my bed, but it is probably something I will never get to see again… (Then, on the other hand, you never know with Vera).

3. A few other things I cannot mention here at this date… 😉

Achievements I Am Truly Proud Of

1. Surviving a week alone in Valladolid

This spring I got a scholarship to study Spanish at a language school in Valladolid, a small town where no one speaks anything but Spanish. In other words: the ideal place to properly learn the language. It was the first time I travelled anywhere alone, which itself was scary enough, but furthermore I had to stay with a host family (I originally booked a room in a student residence but, since I was not 18, I was not allowed to stay there) which was an extremely uncomfortable situation for me. Even if I can make myself somewhat understood in Spanish it was really hard to get to know the lady I was staying with and I did not have time to figure out what was okay to do in her house and so forth. I had to live on someone else’s conditions, conditions I did not know of.

That place made me so anxious that I suffered through panic attacks when I thought about going there after class. I sat in this park, El Campo Grande, for hours only to avoid going “home”. Eventually I had to anyway, but only to eat and sleep when I planned it right. I cried all the time whilst constantly keeping count of the hours left until I could finally go home. But, I survived. I did not give up. I developed my Spanish skills significantly. I learned how to deal with an uncomfortable situation. I met people from other countries. I got to see a new place. If I would get the question today, knowing how much I would suffer during that week, I would not have said yes. But I am still extremely thankful for having experienced all of this. I came back to Sweden as a new, much stronger, self.

2. Starting my recovery

As late as two weeks ago, I acknowledged that I have an eating disorder and sought professional help. Most of my loved ones know about it by now, which I still have mixed feelings about, but I am tired of lying about being fine. I should not have to do that. Disordered eating is a serious problem which, despite what I tell myself, will not go away just because I hide it away. It is still hard to talk about in real life which is why I want to ask my acquaintances reading this to not bring it up with me unless I show interest in having the conversation. However, I am incredibly proud of the fact that I have started my recovery.

3. Coming as far with Originally My as I have

I am so proud of the work I have done with Originally My this year that words can barely describe it. In my opinion, this is now a professional website; it is what I wanted it to be when I first started last year. That I do not attract a lot of traffic does not bother me. I know that what I do here is good and that some of my posts are really valuable, to me and others, which is enough for now. Do I wish to have more readers in the future? Yes. Is that why I continue to put time and effort into my posts? No. I am doing this for me and that is probably why I still update regularly. But, to the few people reading my posts: thank you for spending your time on reading my work. It means a lot.

4. Getting A’s in all of my finished courses

I would be lying if I would claim that I am not proud of getting the highest possible grade in all of the courses I have finished this year. That truly is an accomplishment and I will not tip toe around that just because Swedish culture tells me to. Note: In Sweden, one is not allowed to brag about anything, think one is better than average or deserving of something the next person is not. 

5. Becoming a member of Mensa

Another achievement where it might seem like I am bragging about my intellect, but this is something that I am extremely proud of and could not leave of the list. I did an IQ-test a few weeks ago and got a result that qualifies me to become a member of Mensa, an organisation for the most intelligent (solely based on IQ) people in the world. To become a member you have to have an IQ of at least 131 on the Wechsler scale which is only attained by two percent of the population. My result ranked me amongst the highest one percent, which was not something I expected at all which makes me even prouder of the achievement.

6. Finally learning to do my brows

This year has been the year I finally understood how to properly do my eyebrows. It has been a long and bumpy road, but here we are. This achievement is not exactly comparable with the others I have listed but it sure was about time I achieved it.

Favourite outfits

1. An All in-Shiny Metallic Silver Outfit w/ Lifting Contrasts

2. A Playful Tied Together Outfit w/ Attitude in the Details

3. My outfit from my grandmother’s seventieth birthday

4. FLOWER POWER: Orange Jumpsuit With Attitude

Posts that I am most proud of

1. To Dare to Open Up

2. To Try and Try Again

3. The Mountains I Am Going to Climb

4. What Everybody Should Do ASAP

5. Mint & Berry Dotted Makeup Look: Dare to Break the Rules

6. Makeup Look Inspired by the Falling Leaves

Worst Moments

1. Märta leaving

My dear wonderful friend Märta is in the US at the moment, living the life of an exchange student. I am glad on her behalf for daring to experience this, I am actually quite proud of her for doing it, but I would much rather have kept her in Sweden. She is one of my absolute closest friends and having to say goodbye to her was truly heartbreaking. One of the worst moments of 2017, actually.

2. Realising I needed help

The night before I first talked to my school nurse about my eating disorder I was a complete mess. I was scared of how much damage I had caused myself already, what people were going to think about me and how they were going to treat me once they found out… The last thing I wanted was to admit to myself and others that I had a problem that I needed help with, but at the same time that was the only way out. It was an all time low for me.

3. First night in Valladolid

I feel like I have talked enough about my experience in Valladolid already, so if you just read the first point of the list of achievements I am truly proud of you will probably understand why my first night on that trip is listed as one of the worst moments of the past year.

4. Märta & Vera making me eat sushi for the first time

On a less serious, but just as traumatising, note… My so called friends made me try sushi last spring and I have not gotten over it yet. That roll is the most disgusting thing I have put in my mouth, with no exceptions what so ever. Then, Vera has admitted that she gave me one of the least tasty pieces (which is really stupid if you are trying to prove that sushi is delicious, right?)… Ugh.

Things I Regret

1. A night with too much vodka

This night is one of the worst things I have ever put myself through. Me and my friends were invited to this big party a girl at our school was having. It was the first big party most of us had gone to and we were all very excited. We arrived quite late and had not been drinking anything in advance, whilst most other people there were completely wasted. Young and stupid as sixteen-year-olds are, we “had to” catch up. I poured about two deciliters of pure vodka down my throat (do not try this at home) and that is about everything I remember clearly from that night before I look up and see a policeman talk to my parents who did not know I had started to drink. The next day was not a lot of fun.

2. Something else I cannot write here (but it exists…)

What I wish for next year

  • Better mental health
  • Continued development of Originally My
  • To start a podcast with a certain someone
  • Perhaps start a youtube channel
  • To write more
  • To do something with my music
  • Lots of new experiences!

I hope you have had a wonderful, or at least educational, year that you can look back on and be somewhat happy with what you have done of your time. Only you can determine the value of your 2017, even if that is easy to forget when hearing about all of the great things other people have accomplished and experienced. Just remember that surviving is enough of an accomplishment. Congratulations. Stay original, gorgeous! xoxo

My Typical Swedish Christmas

Merry christmas (to all of you who celebrate it)!

Christmas is one of those holidays that is celebrated differently in every household. In Sweden we celebrate christmas today, on the twentyfourth, and in honour of that I thought I would take the oppurtunity to tell you about how a typical christmas looks like for me and my family. Without further ado, this is how I am spending the day!

Christmas morning 2012.

Morning

Both my mom and my dad are morning people and tend to wake up pretty early, whilst me and brother are proud teenagers and do the complete opposite. However, on this day it is not unusual for us to wake up as early as eight or nine (I know that this is unthinkable for some people who consider sleeping until nine is wasting the day, but this is how we roll). We make our way upstairs where mom and dad are sitting in their chairs drinking coffee.

Around this time we exchange presents with each other. Me and my brother give our parents their gifts and we get a few, smaller ones as well. Then we all eat breakfast, probably rice pudding with cinnamon and sugar (except for my dad who will most certainly eat his regular breakfast), together. After breakfast we all dress up in festive clothing and fix whatever needs to be fixed (usually hair and makeup for me).

Julmust.

Day

At twelve o’clock we arrive at my grandmother’s (my father’s mother) together with my two uncles and their children to eat lunch. We always eat the same thing: a dish translated to “dip in the pot”, which is basically bread and different types of meat and sausage that we dip in ham stock. I can imagine that this sounds kind of weird and even a little disgusting, but it is actually quite tasty.

When lunch is done we all sit down in grandmother’s living room to drink mulled wine and julmust (a type of soda-ish), both classics in christmas times, eat gingerbread as well as chocolate from some chocolate box and simply enjoy eachother’s company.

When the clock strikes three it is time for “From All of Us to All of You” (or “Kalle Ankas Jul” as it is usually addressed in Sweden), a show from Disney that Sveriges Television (a Swedish TV channel) has aired on christmas eve every year since 1960 that consists of different scenes from a selection of Disney movies. This is something I think most Swedish families embrace as a part of their christmas traditions.

Some years we have exchanged the rest of the gifts directly after the show and some years we have done this after dinner. In any case I can imagine that this element looks the same in most households: someone in the company excuses themselves to go and buy a paper, during the time this person is out Santa happens to show up and hands out gifts, then Santa leaves and all of the sudden the person comes back (probably without a paper)… I do not in any way intend to sound ungrateful, but the gift-part of christmas is not very interesting to me, even if I like both giving and receiving presents.

My beautiful grandmother on christmas 2012.

Evening

It is finally time for dinner! As I am writing this post I realise that I do not know much about what people eat for christmas in other countries, but in Sweden we always eat a christmas buffet, a smorgasbord of Swedish christmas classics. There are different types of herring (which I do not eat yet, but most people do), meatballs, sausages, eggs with shrimp and mayonnaise, potatoes, ham (which the ham stock comes from)… I can go on for a while. Something we in our family always have on our christmas buffet that is not “typical” are ribs, since my grandmother makes the best ribs in the world and we wish for them on most holidays.

When everyone is incapable of standing up because of having eaten to much we once again just sit and enjoy eachother’s company. Some go downstairs to play floorball or table tennis for a while, but other than that not much happens until it is time for the christmas gift game (I have not found a better name for the game yet, but I will update you if I do so) which works in the following way.

Every participant buys a gift and puts it on the table. Then the first person rolls a dice; if they roll a six or a one they get to take a gift, if they do not they simply pass the dice along. When everyone has a gift one has to switch gifts with someone else at the table if one rolls a six or a one. After the first “set” we open the gifts to then continue in the same way, but now knowing what is at stake. A set is usually ten minutes and no one is allowed to know how much time is left once the game has started. This is a great game to enliven the evening.

The christmas gift game is the last thing that happens in our christmas. After that we simply spend time together until we go home! I really love our christmas’s and the fact that we do not just celebrate with each other because we have to but rather because we actually want to.

How does your christmas usually look like? What differs from mine? Did anything written above surprise you, and in that case what? I would love to know! But if you do not feel like sharing, I can not do more than wish you a merry christmas (or a happy whatever you celebrate around this time of the year) and remind you to stay original, gorgeous! xoxo

My Thoughts on the Christmas Stress

Whilst christmas is talked about as a time of joy, most people can not help but suffer from a constant stress throughout the period. We have this idea of perfection, whether regarding the perfect tree or gift to a loved one, that has risen the bar so high that it is almost impossible to reach. Somehow, this magical time that is supposed to bring people together could more accurately be described as a competition to see who can match the expectations best.

Since I was a child I have loved everything that has called for a celebration. I have been especially fond of christmas thanks to the fact that people unite. It is like an unannounced time of truce. We put our differences aside for a while and are actually respectful towards one another. It is a beautiful thing, really.

As late as earlier this fall I began to question some of the behaviours that christmas traditions brings out in people. The secound the christmas decorations in Gothenburg was up, most of my friends immediately started to get excited. “Christmas is here soon!”, “I can’t wait for christmas!”, “I’m so excited that christmas is around the corner”. Pretty soon these claims transitioned into something less positive. My seventeen year old friends started to stress over basically everything christmas related. Gifts, decorations, treats, calendars, playlists… You name it. Let me add that this was in the middle of November.

Perhaps this “competition” I mentioned earlier is only in our heads and we do not actually care about other people’s accomplishments, but I strongly believe that we care about what other people might think of our own ones. I have both witnessed and experienced how this pressure to have the perfect christmas can affect a person. It is where stress and hysteria origins and joy is eliminated.

I am not sure where I am going with this post. For weeks I have been trying to write it, but it does not really lead anywhere. And that is okay. Just because one brings up a subject does not mean one has to conclude it as one does. Some topics are actually better left open for personal reflection and discussion, and this might be one of them. Therefore I will not force a conclusion but simply encourage you to examine yourself and your relation to what I have brought up in this post.

Stay original, gorgeous! xoxo

The Mountains I Am Going to Climb

I am constantly evaluating myself. As far back as I can remember, there has not gone a single day without me thinking that I could have done somthing differently in a certain situation or that I wish I was better at something. At many times, most often in connection with a defeat of some kind, these thoughts have drowned me. Sometimes, they all appear as mountains impossible to climb, laughing condoscendingly at me from their superior position.

The other day I thought about these mountains. There have been many of them through the years, a few that I have actually climbed and others that I have left behind, and I realised that there are some that still bug me with their arrogant smirks. Some characteristics, tendencies or behaviours that I want gone. After a while I got motivated and decided to take a few of them on. So here they are. The mountains that are next to be climbed.

Stop doubting myself

The goal here is not to feel like I can do anything or think that I am the best person there is. It is to see myself and my qualities for what they are, especially the positive ones, and to be able to stand for my talents. I am not going to brag or proof myself better than someone else; I am simply going to stop question whether or not I am good enough to be considered good. If I believe I am, know or can do something, then that is what I will be, stand by or do.

Stop being afraid of other’s thoughts

Very often I find my doubt originating in the fear of what others might think of me if I do this and that. The scenarious in which this is the case can vary greatly, from being afraid to give the wrong answer in class to trying new looks only to find out they do not suit me, but it all comes down to the same thing. I do not want people to think that I think I am something extra and then proof myself wrong. For someone who has not had this fear I can imagine that it sounds crazy, but I am really struggling with this. Less now than before, but still.

Perhaps it is my upbringing in the Swedish “everyone is equally good at everything and don’t you dare believe that you are better than that” culture, perhaps it is my many previous unhealthy relationships with people or perhaps it is something I can not understand that has brought this fear on me. But it does not matter. It sucks and I want it gone. It will be gone.

Stop letting others determine my value

For many years I have been seeking confirmation. I have been suffering from performance anxiety and been desperate for attention and validation. Along with this seeking I have let others determine my worth. When they have told me what I can and can not do, I have believed them. When they have treated me badly, I have blamed myself. I have only trusted what others have told me, good and bad things, and not really had an idea about who I have been. I have started to figure it out,  but old habits die hard and I still let peoples opinions of me influence me at times.

Stop starting and start continuing

I am the master when it comes to creating fun new projects only to abandone them as soon as I start them up. My first actual success in this area is what you have in front of you right now: Originally My. I have hit a few bumps on the road but I am really starting to feel like I could keep doing this for a long time. Maybe it is because I am taking it more seriously, maybe it is because I have found the right motivation. I am in any case glad that I have started to continue with something, and look forward to continuing with my continuation.

Getting these words written in front of me feels amazing. I am more ready than ever to climb these damn mountains. It sure is about time

Do you have any mountains you want to climb? In that case I wish you the best of luck with that. Stay original, gorgeous! xoxo

Outfit info here

Why Criticism is Necessary

I do not for a secound believe that there is a single successful person in this world who has not taken their share of criticism. People criticise for various reasons; maybe it is out of jealousy or disagreement, or maybe it is to make the person being criticised reflect upon their work and push them forward in their personal or professional development. Either way, criticism should never be two things: taken personally, or taken lightely.

If you ask someone to give you feedback on something you have been working on, how much does it give you to only hear good things about it? Sure, it might make you happy and feel like you are succeeding. But nothing is ever perfect; your work can always be improved.

As the perfectionist I am I have always taken criticism badly. I do not show my work to anyone until I am satisfied with it and if someone points out the flaws, my intuitive response has always been that they are wrong. That I, who have worked on whatever I have worked on for hours and hours, know better than someone who has looked at it for a couple of minutes.

I recently got a new English teacher. One of the first assignments I got was to write a literary analysis on a critically acclaimed book. I read the book, I wrote the analysis, I asked for feedback. Never in my life have any teacher commented that much on a text that I have written. I raised my eyebrows and could not believe that the text that I considered to be one of the best things I had ever produced was so bad that he could comment that much on it. After reading through his comments I did what I have always done. I rejected them. I was offended. I thought that I knew better.

Did I know better? No, of course not. I simply could not see that the criticism he gave me was to push me to make an even better analysis. That he was doing his job. That he was teaching me English. And to be honest, he has taught me more during two months than my last teacher did during all of last year. My last teacher was wonderful, but she did not push me. She did not criticise me.

Even if my current teacher had been wrong about every single thing he pointed out in my text, it would still have had importance. By reading his suggestions and considering them, I would have had to value what I had originally written and question why I had written what I had in the certain way that I had which would have brought me awareness of my work. Then, if someone else questioned it in the same way he did, I could motivate why I had chosen to do what I had done.

In conclusion, we should not be afraid of neither standing up for our work nor changing it if we realise improvements can be made. No matter if the criticiser is our teacher, our neighbor or a complete stranger, his or her words are valuable for us and our growth. Then, we must also learn to seperate criticism from hate, or rather how to turn hate into criticism, and not let words tear us down rather than lift us up.

Keep your head high and stay original, gorgeous. xoxo

When a Tough Phase Makes an Appearence

“When you try your best, but you don’t succeed. When you get what you wanted, but not what you need. When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep. Stuck in reverse.” 

Sometimes life is not what you want it to be. Instead it’s like it says in the lyric above: stuck in reverse. The more you try, the more you fail. The more energy you gather, the more energy you lose. The stronger you act, the weaker you actually get. I am in a phase like that right now and believe me when I say it is not a lot of fun…


For some reason I always end up in this phase around this time of the year. I get less motivated, less productive, I can’t sleep, my mental health goes downhill and I get overall more tired. One theory is that the mind imitates the weather, which is gatting rainier and more grey by the day. But since my love for autumn is as big as it is I’m not exactly convinced.

Whatever the reason is, the fact remains that it’s tiring to be tired. Every tiny little task feels like a mountain rising up in front of me and the thought of climbing it becomes a mountain of it’s own. It’s a bad cycle that ends with me stressing out over the fact that I’m stressing out. The source can not be cut to solve the problem since the problem itself is the source of it.

It is at this moment that I just have to accept that this is how it’s going to be for a while ahead. Mental breakdowns are going to become a part of my everyday life, my bad mood is going to feel like my personality and I’m probably going to call in sick more now than ever. But it’s just a phase. I will handle it, I will move forward and eventuelly I will get out of it. Soon I will no longer be stuck in reverse.


Bloggers and influencers of other kinds rarely show their downs of their lives if that’s not their niche. It’s all ups, and I understand that that is what they choose to show. Even if I have brought up sensitive subjects I have always tried to keep a positive tone whilst doing so. Today, I didn’t. Maybe it’s because I’m in this phase I’ve been writing about, but it doesn’t really matter. Because this is as much, if not more, me than anything else I’ve written and shared here. Life isn’t just ups.
I am anyhow going to encourage you to stay original, gorgeous. xoxo

Finding the Right Motivation

The one and the same thing can be done with different levels of ease depending on ones attitude towards it. Or rather ones reasons behind it. Doing things just because you have to is for example significantly more demanding than doing things because you think they are fun… So, how do you make the demanding tasks easy? By finding the right motivation.


When I first started Originally My about a year ago it didn’t take long before I made posts only for the sake of it. I was so hung up on posting every secound day that I completely forgot about actually filling the posts with content I was proud of and found inspiring. Instead of writing about subjects I cared about I constantly grasped after the first best thing, a strategy that was highly unsustainable for a longer period of time.

 Since I restarted it all this summer I have only published posts I think are good. Many of them could be much better, both regarding the writing and the photography, but they are me. My style, my skills, my values. Why? Because I write them for me. My motivation to make posts is no longer to create the perfect website, as it was last year, but rather to express my creativity and hopefully inspire someone else. I’ve found a new, more motivating, motivation.


The same goes for pretty much anything. Are you trying to start running? Sign up for a race you can’t get out of. Do you have to clean out your wardrobe? Think of all of the new clothes you will be able to fill it with. Are you studying something boring which seems to be a complete waste of time? Find something in your future that may benefit from you learning all of it now. Or, you could just bribe yourself with candy…

It’s all about finding the right motivation for you.

I wish you the best of luck with that, and don’t you forget to stay original! xoxo